This SUCKS dude.

I am so freaking nervous about school starting! I don't know ANYONE, and when I went to the open house the girls I saw looked bitchy and mean, and the guys were people who wore plaid. Nick never wore plaid. Right now all I'm wearing is a black tank top and shorts, but I'd sooner go to school in that than plaid.
However, I'm planning on wearing my high-tops, purple lace tights, bad-fairy skirt, my I <3 punk t shirt, studded bracelet, and red extentions. Possibly my black lace gloves... But I don't want to look like Madonna, either. Oh, and I hope it's cold so I can bring my leather biker jacket.
Oh, how I can't wait to see how they will look at me!
I'm going to Walgreens tomorrow to buy some cover-up and other makeup type stuff. Lets see how dad reacts to that!
I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I think of Nick- that time when we went ice skating and I could practically skate circles around him, when we went to the movies and talked through the whole thing (no loss, it wasn't that great of a movie) when we went lasertagging and if you've seen me in "the zone" you know how competative I get. And he loved me anyway! It still seems unbearably cruel that it's over. But I don't regret one thing I did, exept for possibly trying (and failing miserably) to jump over that stupid tennis net and falling flat on my face. Actually, I flipped over and then fell flat on my face. I even miss the rare occasion when we'd argue, and I'd get heated up over nothing and say something EXTRODINARILY stupid like, "well... Well... Yo mamas a llama!" and we'd start laughing. I miss it when he'd brush his hand with mine. I miss the look he'd give me, the light in his hazel eyes shining brighter than anything else around me, lighting up the darkness in my heart and giving me goosebumps all over, the hint of genuine caring and even- dare I say it- love in his eyes. I miss how even when I was sick he'd still think I'm beautiful (though he wasn't so eager to touch me) and even when I was defeated and broken he'd make my smile and even though I've done the STUPIDEST things he still forgave me. On the extremely off chance that you're reading this, I really want to say that I'm sorry and I miss you and everything in my life is falling apart... I never thought I'd loose you. But since I did, I admit I've been worrying about someone else getting you, a tanned strawberry blonde with smiling brown eyes and no troubles, no hopeless dreams, no 'rental issues. But then I think, yeah, he could get her. But I'm blonde, well-built, blue eyed, and sweetly sad in a way no one else can pull off. I know for a fact that there is someone besides him in love with me, and maybe I could learn to love. But he's my first boyfriend. And my first love. I don't think I'll ever forget him. We may not bs together forever- and tears are pushing against the back of my eyes as I say this- we might not even see each other again, but I have memories that I think of every day. Memories of me and you, shy friends in love.
And I'm as free, as a bird now!!!
*waves candle in time to the music*
I would sneak over to your house, but seeing as it's 2am I'm not sure if you'd appreciate that. Plus I'm not exactly sure which house you live in. You just told me the general area.
Oh GOD!!!!! I FORGOT HIS BITHDAY!!!
I feel awful now :(
I'm sorry Nick!! :(
-- Rachael's iTouch