He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

Every night
Coming together
Sleepless eyes
Heartbreaking sobs
When will you find me
Calling your name
Trying to find who I really love
Is it you? Or you? Or him?
My life is falling apart it seems
God! I don't have my "inspiration" with me so all my songs SUCK. Like "save me!" *bangs head against laptop* I'm so freaking wrecked without him. I'm totally messed up. I can't write, I cant think- as clearly marked by this crappy post- but I really missed him today. I want to talk to him. I find his mind intreguing. I think we'd be a great couple because we're already friends and we have SO MUCH in common and we look good together because we're both so short and blonde and I have blue eyes and he has blue, brown and green eyes and we both like the same movies and foods and stuff... God, I must sound seriously desparate. I hope someday I'll be seriously famous and he'll be trying to get my attention when I'm signing books at Borders and I'll be like, "Oh, do I know you? Oh right, you're my best guy friend who I fell in love with and you broke my heart and changed me forever! did I mention I'm getting married to (insert name of fioncee here) in July? July 17th!" I just wish I could know how he felt about me, too. That would make my life sooooo much eaisier! Last year the other Nick told me that Nick loved me too. I remember that day.
Math class, where we were doing projects, Nick kept asking to borrow my stuff which got really annoying, so I refused and he said, "If you give me it I'll tell you something about Nick." So I hastily threw it at him when I flushed and asked, "This isn't somehing gross, is it?" I asked hesitantly. He smiled at me and said, "Nick likes you. He likes you a lot." He said, looking me in the eye. My eyes opened wide, I blushed, and those two sentances kept running around in my head. The smartest thing that came to my mind was, "Hedi said so." I said. There was no doubt in my voice that I was estatically happy.
Daneel also said that if "Nick and you ever get married" and I blushed a lot right then, my cheeks on fire, like, a lot, and he continued, "and have a kid" and I blushed even more, "Will you make me your godfather?" Yeah, like that'll happen. But I said sure, anyway. I won't say that I wish all the above were true, I just want to take it one step at a time. Now I'm focusing on making him my boyfriend, and that's enough of an ordeal that I can't think of the future without lots of doubts. How can I be sure of anything with him? It seems like we're drifting apart as friends. I really need to save both my delecate sanity and my friendship with one of my best friends! He's really sweet though. He's a gentleman (when it's just us in Science. Like most guys, he's totally different when he's around his friends. Why do guys DO that? It's driving me insane!)
Well, I think I'm mostly there due to the fact that I miss him and love him but he's driving me CRAZY! Okay, I tend to forget this crap when I'm hanging out with him. He seems to wash away all my troubles with calm, clensing words. Even when he doesn't know what's wrong... how sweet is he? I love him! God! What is WRONG with me? I gotta go straighten out my messed-up head. bye, my fathful readers. Sorry for dragging you into my depressing love life.